Conservatives, Please Stop Calling Yourselves "Constitutionalists"

At first, I hoped it was a fluke.  Maybe a few rogue conservatives that started calling themselves "constitutionalists."  Maybe Sarah Palin loyalists?  Unfortunately, I keep hearing this absurd claim from conservatives.  They really think that they are constitutional loyalists! 

It drives me crazy to hear this, and it doesn't even take a lot to discredit them.  A few simple questions will dispel this ridiculous attempt to make them feel that they are no longer a party of backwards, anti-equality, anti-progress religious fanatics. 

• Do you support the implied right to privacy in our Constitution that has been recognized by our Supreme Court...including the right to choose abortion?
• Do you support the equal protection (14th Amendment) of all people within the boundaries of a state?  Including illegal immigrants?  Including homosexuals who choose to enter into the contract of marriage?
• Do you believe in the freedom of, and from religion, that is provided in the First Amendment?  Including not allowing the government to write any laws respecting the establishment of religion?  (This means no anti-abortion laws.)

There are more questions that I could ask to disqualify any conservative as a "constitutionalist."  However, I've never had to ask more than this.  If they can truthfully answer yes to the above questions, you should probably follow up with something like, "are you aware that you are actually a liberal?"

I do understand that conservatives recognize that there is a bad connotation with the term "conservative."  It tells people that you are against progress.  That you want to go back to the way things used to be and don't want our society to progress...at least not at a reasonable rate.  Don't be mad, conservatives...you've done this to yourselves.  This makes them want to find a new term for themselves that sounds a little more positive.  Unfortunately, the closest term I could find for conservative ideology is "constitutionalists of convenience."  I use this term to mean that they passionately believe in the Constitution when it fits neatly into their ideology.  However, they believe that anything that falls outside of those ideals, like gay marriage and abortion, should not be protected by the Constitution because it offends their religious and moral beliefs.  This means they are willing to ignore the Constitution when it is not convenient for them.

Conservatives, whatever you choose to call yourselves...and I can think of a few more terms if you would like.  Please...I beg you...stop calling yourselves "constitutionalists."  You're just making yourselves look worse.