Journal News Continues Irresponsible Publicity Stunt

It seems like bloggers and journalists have two options right now for their discussions...fiscal cliff or guns.  The New York based Journal News decided to jump into the gun control discussion on Christmas Eve with a map of gun owners in their area.  The accompanying article was titled, "The gun owner next door: What you don't know about the weapons in your neighborhood." 

Of course the map was followed by immediate outrage by many gun owners.  The article has swept across the internet, inflaming the discussion of gun control, and now privacy, even further.  As I've discussed previously, I tend to fall just a little to the right on this issue.  I thought the publication of the map was unnecessary and foolish.  When confronted with the stupidity of this article, I saw many people who are against guns say that gun owners shouldn't be ashamed of owning our weapons.  I don't think they get the point.

First, their is nothing illegal about this article.  The information was easily accessible through public records.  However, it is irresponsible for that paper to publish the map to the homes of these people.  And they are promising to add more owners to the map as they become available.  It is obvious at this point that the paper is simply doing this to keep the controversy going and gain publicity. 

When it comes to gun ownership, I have no problem telling anyone that I own a gun.  In fact, I carry mine anywhere that I am legally permitted.  I would be happy for everyone to know that I keep multiple guns in my home.  That way they know what that burning and stinging sensation in their ass is when they break into my home.  The people that should really be upset about this map are the people who don't own guns.  The interactive map allows anyone to zoom in to street level and see exactly which homes have registered owners.  If I were a criminal...that would give me a pretty good map that I could use to avoid breaking into homes in which people could defend themselves.

Don't be too hasty though, criminals....rifles and shotguns are not required to be registered in their area.  Where I live, pistols aren't even required to be permitted if they are for home defense.  You only have to have a permit if you want to carry your firearms. 

In response to the article, at least one blogger (probably more) has published the names and addresses of the editors and staff of the paper.  Turn about is fair play, right?  It's still public record.  In the Huffington Post article I read about the paper adding more names, a journalism professor at the State University of New York, Howard Good, said that the response by those bloggers "doesn't move the issue of gun control to the level of intelligent public discussion.  Instead, it transforms what should be a rational public debate on a contentious issue into ugly gutter fighting."  I believe he's correct, but I think he aimed his remark at the wrong people.  Those bloggers did nothing more than the paper did in its original article.  The paper began this problem by choosing to post the map.  They are continuing it by adding more names. 

What is very likely to happen now is that there will be legislation introduced to keep gun permit records private except to prosecutors and law enforcement.  In fact, one state Senator in New York is already planning on introducing this legislation.  This means that our access to information will be further restricted because of the newspaper's publicity stunt.  I wouldn't be surprised to see similar legislation pop up around the country as well. 

Had this paper simply stated that a specific number of registered owners and informed the readers that they could gain access to a list of registered owners through a public records search, they would have made the same point without causing an uproar.  Of course they wouldn't be benefiting from the increased traffic to their website and extra publicity.  This is a major problem with the media today.  It is the reason that our discourse is so polarized.  Simply reporting the news without bias or attempts to stir up controversy isn't as profitable.  Journalism has become a cesspool of irresponsible entertainers that will do whatever is necessary to get readers fired up - regardless of the potential consequences.  Maybe you all are just better off sticking to my blog and my articles on TACD News...at least I'll admit those are opinion pieces.

Finding Beauty and Power in Music and Film

I'm working on some media for my upcoming new radio program, Crossroads Radio.  As a part of my duties, I am sifting through numerous film and music clips looking for samples I can use in the show.  If anyone ever questions the wisdom of musical and film artists, I can tell you that you really need to do some research.

One of the best examples I have worked on comes from Leonard Cohen.  I didn't just discover his music tonight.  I have listened to his music for a while, particularly his most popular song, Hallelujah.  As I listen to it again tonight, I am reminded of the powerful message in this song.  Before you continue in this blog, I urge you to take a few minutes and listen to the best version of this song (my apologies to Leonard Cohen, but John Cale has the best recording of the song - and those who mention Jeff Buckley, you are crazy...his version can't touch Cale's).

Now that you have heard the song...here are some of the most powerful lyrics I have ever heard:

"Her beauty and the moonlight drove her through you."
This is a beautiful sentiment.  Imagine a beautiful woman bathed beneath the moonlight.  Imagine the love of your life in this picture.  As he says, this image drives straight through my heart. He has put into words a basic and primal emotion of man as he sees beauty. 

"She broke your throne, she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the hallelujah."
This is an obvious reference to Samson in the Bible.  But, let's take it further.  It speaks of betrayal.  The woman in these lyrics takes the one thing that he entrusted to her.  What is even more powerful is the exclamation of hallelujah.  This word is an exclamation of praise for God.  Imagine a woman bringing a man down so far as to force an exclamation of praise to God.  This is on par with the trials of Job.  The only words I could use to describe this kind of situation are the words of Cohen himself.

"Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."
This is a sentiment that any of us who have felt the painful sting of heartbreak.  These lyrics give us a painful and dark perspective of love.  While most of us celebrate love, some people have this view that it only hurts us.  Imagine an unfeeling declaration of love.  A broken promise of praise.  This is the cold and broken hallelujah that Cohen feels in this song.  


"Maybe there's a God above, but all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you."
This follows in the series of lyrics in this song that describe how painful love can be when someone is hurt.  The end of the lyric is pretty straight-forward, but it's the beginning that gives me pause.  How many people do you think have questioned the existence of God because of someone who hurt them?  Again, Cohen has tapped into a fundamental emotion that many of us have felt as we faced pain. 

"And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light.  It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah."
This is the end of the previous lyrics about being hurt by someone.  It describes the fact that you can't see this coming.  How many of us are blinded by love?  We don't see the darkness in those we love until they hurt us.  We don't hear the warnings of others.  We don't see the light until it's too late.  When we finally understand the nature of the danger in which we have placed our hearts, it is too late.  The promise is broken...the praise that we have given to God for our love has turned cold and unfeeling.


"I remember when I moved in you, and the Holy Dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah."
As a complete antithesis of the previous lyric, this is a beautiful lyric of love.  I have talked about this lyric with my wife.  We're getting personal here so hold on...Sex is a part of almost every serious relationship.  This is especially true with marriages.  I have been married for almost four years, and have been with my wife for eight years now.  During that time, there have been a handful of times that I could describe in the way Cohen does in this sentence.  One of the most prominent would be right after I was married.  There was an incredible amount of passion involved in that moment, but it went beyond passion.  Every breath we drew in that moment was an exclamation of praise to God.  I have never found a more beautiful, honest, and poetic description of what it means to feel true, passionate love for another person.  I consider this one of the most beautiful lyrics ever written.  I'm not ashamed to say that I get choked up thinking about the deep and fundamental need and love I have for my wife when I hear this.  A feeling I believe any man who truly loves his wife should feel when he hears his emotions described in such a beautiful and poetic manner.  
You can see that I find this song very powerful.  This kind of beauty and power can be found in so many forms of art.  Some find it in painting.  Some in film.  Some in music.  Tonight, I also found incredible beauty in the song Time to Say Goodbye.  I encourage each of you to find the beauty in your life.  Find the song, the film, or the image that speaks to you.  Use it to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and those who you love.  After all...what's the point of life if we aren't enjoying it's beauty? 

If you are brave please feel free to post what you find beautiful, or powerful, and why you find it so.  You never know what it could mean to a stranger.

A Memorial and Message of Gratitude for Educators

In the past few days, we have all shared in the grief that has resulted from the Sandy Hook tragedy.  Rightfully so, much of that pain has been due to the loss of so many children.  I simply have no words for this.  Part of my job as a blogger and writer are to sift through pages of news releases about stories like this.  I don't mind telling you that some of these stories have made me tear up. 

Amidst the dark and looming clouds of this tragedy, I have found a bright silver lining that has worked miracles to restore my faith in us as a people.  I spend a lot of time discussing the worst of humanity.  The hate.  The bigotry.  The greed.  Some of the stories that I have read are such an antitheses to the darkness of mankind, which is also present in the stories, that they have allowed me to be hopeful that maybe, just maybe, most of us aren't so terrible that society is on the verge of apocalypse.  Okay...maybe that's slightly dramatic, but that's how I feel sometimes. 

The stories of which I'm speaking are the stories of the bravery that the teachers and educators of Sandy Hook displayed on that fateful day.  Here are some highlights.

Principal Dawn Hochsprung - died while attempting to overpower the gunman as he entered the school.

Mary Sherlach - school psychologist died along side Principal Hochsprung in an attempt to stop the gunman.

Victoria Soto - teacher killed right after she moved her first graders into a safer area away from the classroom door. 

Lauren Rousseau - hired recently as a substitute for a teacher who was on maternity leave.

Anne Marie Murphy - teacher killed while attempting to shield students who were also found dead.

Rachel D'Avino - behavioral therapist who took on the incredibly honorable task of working with autistic children.

As I wrote this, the first sentence that I typed below these names was that these people gave the ultimate sacrifice for children who were not their own.  Then I thought of the teachers that I know personally.  Each of them talks about their classes using the term "my kids."  These people feel a very deep and personal responsibility for each of their students. 

The stories of the teachers who lived through the incident are as brave as those who died.

Library clerk Mary Anne Jacobs told the students that it was a drill, moved them into a closet, and gave them crayons and paper to keep them distracted from the horrors outside.

Music teacher Maryrose Kristopik blocked the door of her classroom with xylophones. 

Janet Vollmer, a first grade teacher, read a story to her students to keep them calm.

Virginia Gunn kept her class quiet while using her cell phone to contact police. 

Caitlin Roig, a young first-grade teacher turned off the lights to her classroom and tried to explain the situation to her students.  When one of them began to cry she told him to show her his smile.  She re-assured them that she loved them and that everything would be okay.  She refused to open the door, even for police, until she was sure that the students were going to be safe. 

These stories are evidence that we have overlooked and marginalized one of our most important and honorable groups of people.  These are people who accept the responsibility of educating our children...of caring for them day after day.  They do it regardless of the fact that they are blamed for many of the problems that our children have.  They do it with budget cuts forcing them to find ways to provide better education with fewer resources.  They do it for so little pay that many of them are forced to keep second jobs.  They do it amid innumerable hardships simply because they are educators.  They have taken on this mantle - with all of the hardships that it includes.  When tested, they show their honor and heroism.  They show us the very nature of what it means to be caring, gentle, and unimaginably brave. 

With the sacrifice of our soldiers, we often take the time to thank those who have served in the military.

Since the sacrifice of the emergency responders on 9/11, we often take the time to stop and thank our police, firefighters, and emergency personnel.

I encourage you...the next time you see your child's teacher, or any educator, take a minute to thank them.  Thank them for their dedication.  Thank them for their sacrifice.  Thank them for the choice that they have made to spend their lives working in one of the most thankless, low-paid, honorable, and important professions.  Thank them for being one of the few people in the world who cares so much about your children that they will refer to them as their own.

My sincerest condolences to the friends and family of the victims at Sandy Hook.  To the friends and family of the educators - while this will never ease the pain you feel - you can be so very proud of the bravery that these people showed when faced with unspeakable horror.  They are truly heroes.

I want to extend a personal thank you to the educators who are involved in the life of my own child.  I also want to extend that same thank you to my friends who have taken on this role.  You are some of the greatest people I know. 

Sandy Hook Editorial Cartoon Draws Ridiculous Comments

In response to the Sandy Hook tragedy, an editorial cartoonist for The Indianapolis Star, Gary Varvel, created a cartoon (above) depicting what many parents were feeling that day.  While most people shared the same feelings that Varvel portrayed in his cartoon, some people had an inexplicable reaction to the image. 

One poster on the paper's Facebook page said that the cartoon trivialized the incident.  Another commenter called the artist an "ass" for his "portrayal of death in a 'cartoon.'"  Multiple commenters mentioned that it shouldn't take a tragedy like this for people to hug their children or to be grateful when they come home. 

Let me gather my thoughts for a moment...okay.  If any of these commenters happen to read this blog, do the rest of us a favor.  Shut up.  Delete your Facebook account.  Cancel your internet.  Burn your computer.  You have no business dealing with the rest of humanity. 

Here's the thing...this is a piece of art.  It is a cartoon depicting a mother who is so overrun by grief and fear after watching news of a horrible tragedy that she feels the primal instinct to grab her child and hold her close.  This instinct serves so many purposes.  First, it is a part of our natural instinct to protect our children.  As parents, we all have a certain amount of underlying fear whenever our children are not with us.  We know that we can't protect them when they are elsewhere.  This fear is multiplied by thousands when we see others who have just had to face the reality that they could not protect their child, and lose a son or daughter.  When we are holding our children in our embrace, we are as secure as we can be that no harm is coming to them. 

Second, the embrace of a child after this kind of tragedy is a way for parents to release the fear and anxiety that has been building in us from the time we hear the news until our child is in our arms.  The physical contact reassures us and allows our fear and anxiety to dissipate.  This is why many people, such as my guest blogger from yesterday, cried when they embraced their children.  The tears are our way of letting go of that pain, fear, and anxiety.  It has nothing to do with not being grateful every day or not hugging your children at every available opportunity. 

The final point that I want to make is about art.  This is a cartoon.  That doesn't mean that it is sarcastic, mocking, or joking.  It is simply one of many forms of art.  This same scene could have been recorded by photographers across the nation.  It could be painted by an artist who works in realistic painting.  It just happens that this artist works in cartoons.  It is the medium in which he is comfortable.  What he did in this piece of art was to show people across the country that they are not alone in their feelings.  Many of us had the same emotions as the people in his cartoon.  The image shows an understanding of what it is to be human, and what it is to be a parent faced with the realization that someone could take your child from you in the blink of an eye.  If anyone can't see past the form of the art and see the beauty of the image, then that person has wasted his or her life by gaining no depth as a person and no appreciation for artistic representation of life. 

This is a beautiful image and I say, well done Mr. Varvel!  I will end with the words of Mr. Varvel himself (taken from his Facebook page):

"I noticed that some have criticized my cartoon of a mother hugging her child as some bizarre attempt at humor. It is a common misconception that the job of an editorial cartoonist is to be funny. But humor is NOT my job. Humor is just a tool I use occasionally to communicate an idea. My job is to express opinions and in this case, the mood of the country after a tragic event. Obviously, humor is NOT the right tool in this instance. So my cartoon simply reflects the emotional response of parents around the world who are reminded that life is fragile and at a time like this our first response is to hold and love our children. My heart grieves for the parents who cannot hug their little ones any more. I have no idea of the pain they are going through. But I pray that they will find the peace of God that transcends all understanding." - Gary Varvel

Guest Blog: A Chunky Girl's Guide to Food on the Sandy Hook Tragedy

Last night I mentioned that I would weigh in on the discussions surrounding the Sandy Hook Elementary Tragedy.  I began a blog tonight on this subject, but I believe it is more valuable as an article for The American Complaint Department News.  However, I am fortunate enough to know a blogger who has a blog about the shooting that doesn't fit on her own blog.  Her blog is called A Chunky Girl's Guide to Food.  This post doesn't fit into her blog, but it fits perfectly into my realm of the blogosphere.  Please enjoy my first guest blog post and check out her blog and her Facebook page.

Friday morning when I awoke, I had no idea that by midmorning/early afternoon I would be rocked to my core and would grieve for people, and children, that I'd never met or would ever have a chance of meeting. As I heard of the horrific news, my mind went where every parent's mind goes in the wake of a tragedy, your own children. As I continued to receive updates throughout the afternoon, I sobbed and felt a wave of sickness rush over my body as each report increased the death toll. I text my husband expressing my disbelief at this senseless tragedy and how overcome and sick with grief I was. Throughout the day my phone, Twitter, and Facebook were flooded with the same shock I was feeling.  The disbelief, anger, and the need to see/hug/hold/kiss our own children. Somewhere I saw a post someone had made saying that it shouldn't take a shocking event such as this for us to appreciate our children more or hug them tighter etc. Another poster commented that you should be thankful and appreciative everyday your kids come home and no harm was done to them and while I agree with that, I also have to wonder if these people have any kids. As a wife, mother, and student I find myself complacent in my life, running through the ins and outs of a normal day and in the normalcy of my routine I begin to take for granted things in my life as I'm sure most people do. Unfortunately, it takes tragic events like the one that occurred at Sandy Brook for us to snap out of our lackadaisical routines and realize that each day is a gift and not a guarantee.

When I arrived to pick my stepdaughter up from school I noticed a lot more parents there than usual and a lot more moms and dads were together to pick up their children, no one had to say a word.  We were all feeling the same thing. After I signed my stepdaughter out and we got to the car I gave her the biggest hug that I've given her in quite awhile, told her I loved her and that's when the flood gates opened. I couldn't hold back my tears and she immediately asked me what was wrong. The whole way to her school I wrestled with how I was going to tell her, if I was going to tell her.  What would it do to her sense of security?  How would I handle her questions as I explained what had happened that morning?  I found myself caught between joy and guilt. Joy that I was able to bring her home, safe and sound, and guilt because there are so many families who weren't as lucky. I can only imagine that sentiment was felt by parents who brought home their own children from Sandy Brook Friday evening.

Late that night, after I checked on my children as I always do before heading to bed myself, I stopped to say my prayers. As I prayed for anyone and everyone who was affected by the senseless act that occurred I also took a moment to pray for the shooter and his family. While I shared in the warranted disgust and anger felt by many, I had to remind myself that his family is grieving too and that they shouldn't be forgotten simply because they share the same DNA as the young man who seemingly lost his mind Friday morning. They're victims too. I prayed that their community, family, and friends would lift them up in prayer as they would do the innocents that were killed as they went about their morning. I prayed that in the days, weeks, and months to come they would not play the coulda-woulda-shoulda game and feel guilty for the events that transpired. I prayed that they would see they are not responsible for a broken system that has turned its back on the mentally ill and disabled.  This system instead made it such a taboo topic that people are afraid to seek help for fear of being labeled or ostracized by society. The true tragedy of these recent attacks is that a number of these individuals were mentally ill and the system failed them. I believe that if our mentally ill citizens were given the help they so desperately need and deserve and there was a greater open dialogue we would see a dramatic decrease in these types of horrific events. While I'm not excusing or condoning the shooters actions, I have to help but wonder what are we doing wrong so that these young men and women feel as though they need to commit these horrendous acts of violence? Where is the gap, where's the missing link?  Are we ultimately responsible?  Before people jump to conclusions and start shouting gun control, I must remind people that criminals, and those hell-bent on committing murder, don’t obey laws. Guns aren’t responsible any more than cars are responsible for drunk drivers. The gap lies in our inability to take care of one another properly and I’m not talking about just religion, I’m talking real honest to goodness caring for one another. I was thoroughly disturbed by interviews conducted with the shooter’s neighbors who claim they didn’t know him, and didn’t really know his mother. All too often, these types of scenarios are very true and real, we don’t know the people living next door even though we wave, say the occasional “hello,” and  return wrongly delivered mail.

We, society as a whole, need to make a much more conscious effort to get to know the neighbors next door, the loner kid in our class, and the quite young man or woman we see in the same place every single day, because we never know if our attempts to get to know someone will prevent them from doing something unthinkable.  As we may never know the shooter’s reason for gunning down his mother and a school full of children, I stop to wonder if maybe he had felt heard by at least one person, or if someone had taken the time to show a special interest in him, would he have gone down the same dark path Friday morning?  Or would he have seen the light at the end of the tunnel?  While our questions may never be fully answered I’m taking the words from my minister at this evening’s worship service:  we need to take care of those around us, regardless if the only thing we can offer is a conversation.  I challenge all of us who are still reeling from this tragedy and wondering what we can do to make a difference to start with, “hello.”

Mourning for the Sandy Hook Elementary Victims & Families

 

You all may have noticed that I have been fairly silent today.  I'm sure the reason is fairly obvious.  The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School today has struck me to my core.  I am pretty good at handling tragedy, and even death.  However, I don't take it well when innocent children are the victims of senseless violence.  

As I watched the news of this shooting at work, I began to feel an emptiness.  I couldn't think about anything but a deep and primal need to grab my fourth grade daughter and hold her close.  I began to fear sending my one-year-old to kindergarten.  I imagine that many of us spent a little longer holding our children tonight when we put them to bed.  It's hard not to think of those who had their children taken from them today, and will no longer be able to hug them or kiss them goodnight.  My most heartfelt condolences to those who lost someone today, particularly those who lost a child.  I can't begin to imagine what they are feeling.  Even the thought of that experience brings tears to my eyes. 

I will wait until tomorrow to engage in any discussion of the social and political aspects of this situation.  For me, tonight is not a time for political or social discussion and debate.  Tonight is a time to share in the grief of those who are mourning a senseless loss.  Tonight is a night to say a prayer for the families of the victims and the souls of those who were killed by a coward. 

Social Networking: Millions of Heartbreaks Served

 Directly behind my office there is a common hallway for all of the businesses in the building.  In theory, it is an emergency exit for the building.  In reality, it is a place for people to take smoke breaks.  One of those businesses is a sandwich shop.  As with many fast food type companies, this shop employs a lot of younger staff.  Every night around 6 pm, I can hear these young people making noise in the hallway.  Not usually a big deal because I've learned to tune it out.  Tonight was different.

I heard some noise in the hallway.  For about 10 minutes I tuned it out and dismissed it.  Suddenly, I realized that a young girl was crying.  When I say crying, I mean crying like someone who has just been told that her best friend died.  After another few minutes, I began to worry about her.  I watch entirely too much Law & Order, so I began to wonder if something had happened to her, such as her being attacked.  I knew that, even though it was unlikely, I wouldn't forgive myself if that had turned out to be the case so I decided to poke my head out there and ask her if she was okay. 

Right before I opened my door to check on her, I heard her talking on the phone.  Thank goodness.  It was simply a break up.  I only say thank goodness because it could have been something much worse.  I went back to my desk, but she was so upset that I could hear her entire conversation very clearly.  I won't go into a lot of personal details here, but suffice it to say that she had confronted her girlfriend about a third girl that was on her girlfriend's Facebook page.  Apparently, the third girl was her girlfriend's ex, and the interaction was inappropriate.  A text argument ensued that culminated in her girlfriend breaking up with her.  Drama, drama, drama. 

I tell you this story because it got me thinking about social media.  For a short time I ran a blog called "Today's Social Life."  It discussed aspects of social media.  (Don't bother looking for it, I've shut it down.)  Some of my blogs on that site discussed how social media has affected relationships.  Here are a couple of excerpts from those blogs:

From Social Media:  Bringing People Together

Not long ago, I read an article that said one-third of all divorce filings contained the word “Facebook.”  Based on my own experience, I can see how that happens.  I have watched my friends on Facebook post details about their emotions and relationship that they would normally never tell most of the people that can see their updates.  I see people posting an update meant to make someone else feel bad or to gain sympathy.  I’ve seen relationships develop and fall apart online.  There are even websites like Failbook, an entertainment website that posts screenshots of funny mistakes made by people on Facebook, that have special categories for people caught cheating on the social media site.  We’ve turned the destruction of people’s relationships into a source of entertainment for others.  With over one million estimated divorces in a year, this means that over 300,000 people have cited Facebook as a contributing factor to the end of their marriage.

From Relationship Rules for Social Media

I’ve already covered ways that social media can bring people together, in good and bad ways, and how it may be possible to abuse social media. I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I feel like social media is a bad thing. Quite the opposite. I think it is a brilliant development. I just want to make sure that there is a level of awareness about the dangers involved with sharing our lives with others online. With that in mind, I went searching for tips on how to protect your relationship on social media sites.

I found a lot of articles about the subject. Some were more extensive than others, but they all seemed to share some common ideas:

1. Communicate with your significant other. This may be the most important rule on the list. This means that you need to talk to your significant other about the amount of time that is acceptable, and what is considered appropriate interaction with others. Whether you agree, or like it, your significant other may have a different idea of how much time you should be spending on social media sites. If he or she feels that you are spending more time on the internet than is okay, this could lead to jealousy and suspicion of inappropriate relationships. Set clear expectations about when and how long it is okay to stay online. Also, if he or she says that there is someone that you shouldn’t be interacting with, you need to listen. The way you are communicating online and the people you are communicating with (i.e. ex-lovers) can make your significant other uncomfortable. It is not an unreasonable request that you do not stay in touch with someone for whom you used to have feelings…or anyone that makes him or her uncomfortable. Do not make your significant other feel that anyone else’s friendship is more important than how he or she feels…it will lead to disaster.
2. Don’t hide anything from your significant other. Open and honest communication is a necessary component of any relationship, particularly social media relationships. Share your login information for social media sites and email accounts with your significant other and expect the same from him or her. There shouldn’t be anything you say or do online that you cannot share with your spouse. If you need to hide it…it is probably wrong. Emotional affairs are a real and growing problem. They can end a relationship just as easily as a physical affair…and often times lead to physical affairs. Don’t ever delete any messages, chat sessions, or comments that you think would upset your significant other. If they are potentially upsetting, they shouldn’t be happening.
3. Unfriend or unfollow anyone who crosses boundaries. If anyone begins to make comments or ask questions on social media sites that makes you uncomfortable, or you think would make your significant other uncomfortable, let your significant other know and unfriend that person. There is no reason to allow anyone to remain on your social media list if that person cannot respect the boundaries of your relationship. Doing so is putting your friendship with that person ahead of your relationship.
4. Advertise your relationship. Make sure that your relationship status is set to "married," or whatever is true and appropriate. Share pictures of your significant other or the two of you together. Proclaim your love for him or her on your page. Make sure that there is no question about your relationship status and what you are looking for online.
5. Social media is not relationship counseling forum. It is not a place to air your grievances with your significant other. If something he or she does annoys you or makes you angry…that is a personal matter not meant for the world. Posting passive-aggressive statuses about how "people" or "someone" makes you angry is no better than posting his or her name. The fact that you don’t mention the person’s name does not mean that you have escaped culpability for your post. These kinds of statuses are meant to garner attention, gain support in an argument, or punish someone for their actions while giving the poster deniability if they are confronted about the status. None of this has any place in a healthy relationship.
6. Work on your relationship outside of the internet. Make sure you spend more energy on your relationship outside of social media than you do online. Advertising your feeling on social media is great…but not at the expense of failing to do so in person. Hug, kiss, and tell your significant other how much you love him or her in person. There is no substitute…that’s why you are together in the first place.

Now I’m not a therapist, but these seem like pretty good rules. It is not by any means a comprehensive list.  I adapted them from lists in the following articles:

How to Protect Your Relationship on Facebook

Five Ways to Protect Your Relationship From Online Cheating

Protect Yourself from the Seven Sins of Facebook

11 Facebook Rules for Married Couples

These articles have further advice that I didn’t list. It is worth a few minutes of your time to check them out. If you are in a relationship and online, stop and think about what you are doing. There is no social network worth losing someone you love.

I'm not sure what happened with that girl and her girlfriend tonight.  Maybe her girlfriend was cheating.  Maybe not.  Maybe this girl has a habit of making false accusations.  Maybe they have many other issues.  I don't know.  What I do know is that social networking is a wonderful development - hey, it's how you all are so blessed to hear my wisdom!  (Sorry...my narcissistic side just reared it's ugly head.)  Just be careful how you wield such a powerful tool.  Intentional or not, you can hurt someone.  Just ask the poor girl crying alone in the hallway behind my office. 

The Fall of Conservative Ideals Protects America's Future

In the last month, we have witnessed a political party that has been shaken to its foundations.  Immediately after the American people sent a message to Republicans that we will not accept their extreme and harmful beliefs, the fighting began within the party.  The loss was blamed on everyone from urban voters to Governor Christie, Mitt Romney, and Rush Limbaugh. 

Conservative business people have punished Americans for our choice in the election by laying off workers.  Others have threatened to reduce hours for employees to avoid paying for health care.  Many of those companies have backtracked on their threats after their sales dropped. 

The decay of the party continued with the announcement that Tea Party Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC) would be resigning.  While his replacement may not be any better, at least we've gotten rid of this guy and have a chance to replace him with someone less extreme.  On the reverse side, Senator-elect Elizabeth Warren, the bain of Wall Street, will join the Senate Banking Committee which has oversight of the rules and regulations under which banks operate. 

Approval of gay marriage has grown and new states are issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples today. 

Some conservatives are working to have Boehner replaced as Speaker of the House because he removed because of his decision to remove some far-right conservatives from committees.  The extremists and Tea Party element in the Republican party are panicking because they feel their power slipping away.

Republicans are experiencing backlash from their refusal to ratify a United Nations treaty that protects the rights of disabled people.  The treaty makes the Americans with Disabilities Act a non-binding international standard and would not have changed any U.S. laws.  It's been signed by President Bush in 2006 and again by President Obama in 2009.  Former Senators Bob and Elizabeth Dole (R) and a small contingent of current Republican Senators (John McCain, Dick Lugar, and John Barrasso) also supported the treaty. 

In what has to be one of the most devastating aspects of the Republican implosion, multiple business executives have come out to discredit the notion that tax hikes on wealthy Americans will hurt jobs.  Executives such as Warren Buffet and Fed Ex CEO Fred Smith, among others at companies like Goldman Sachs and AT&T, have stated that they would support an increase in the tax rates for the wealthy.  Smith described the idea of those increases killing jobs as "mythology." 

Of course conservatives are panicking and fighting through all of this.  They are watching their ideology fall apart.  The people of the United States, even many of the wealthy, are seeing that we can't continue to operate under conservative theories and maintain our position as the greatest country in the world.  We have to support each other, we have to provide for our people, we have to maintain a strong middle class.  The greatest nation in the world can not be an aristocracy.  The greatest nation in the world cannot have the best health care, but refuse to provide coverage for all of its citizens.  The greatest nation in the world cannot allow discrimination of any kind.  The greatest nation in the world cannot claim to be founded on the idea of freedom of religion, and freedom from religion, while writing religious beliefs into laws and limiting people's rights based on those beliefs.  The greatest nation in the world cannot support conservative ideals and remain great.  In my eyes, the United States is truly the greatest nation in the world.  This is why we are seeing the walls of conservative rhetoric fall before our very eyes.  The people of the United States have stood up and said, "We will not allow elitism and discrimination to run our lives!  We will live our lives supporting the ideas of fairness and equality, concepts that our people have fought and died for over hundreds of years!  We are all in this together!"  And I'm loving every minute of it.