I heard some noise in the hallway. For about 10 minutes I tuned it out and dismissed it. Suddenly, I realized that a young girl was crying. When I say crying, I mean crying like someone who has just been told that her best friend died. After another few minutes, I began to worry about her. I watch entirely too much Law & Order, so I began to wonder if something had happened to her, such as her being attacked. I knew that, even though it was unlikely, I wouldn't forgive myself if that had turned out to be the case so I decided to poke my head out there and ask her if she was okay.
Right before I opened my door to check on her, I heard her talking on the phone. Thank goodness. It was simply a break up. I only say thank goodness because it could have been something much worse. I went back to my desk, but she was so upset that I could hear her entire conversation very clearly. I won't go into a lot of personal details here, but suffice it to say that she had confronted her girlfriend about a third girl that was on her girlfriend's Facebook page. Apparently, the third girl was her girlfriend's ex, and the interaction was inappropriate. A text argument ensued that culminated in her girlfriend breaking up with her. Drama, drama, drama.
I tell you this story because it got me thinking about social media. For a short time I ran a blog called "Today's Social Life." It discussed aspects of social media. (Don't bother looking for it, I've shut it down.) Some of my blogs on that site discussed how social media has affected relationships. Here are a couple of excerpts from those blogs:
From Social Media: Bringing People Together
Not long ago, I read an article that said one-third of all divorce filings contained the word “Facebook.” Based on my own experience, I can see how that happens. I have watched my friends on Facebook post details about their emotions and relationship that they would normally never tell most of the people that can see their updates. I see people posting an update meant to make someone else feel bad or to gain sympathy. I’ve seen relationships develop and fall apart online. There are even websites like Failbook, an entertainment website that posts screenshots of funny mistakes made by people on Facebook, that have special categories for people caught cheating on the social media site. We’ve turned the destruction of people’s relationships into a source of entertainment for others. With over one million estimated divorces in a year, this means that over 300,000 people have cited Facebook as a contributing factor to the end of their marriage.
From Relationship Rules for Social Media
I’ve already covered ways that social media can bring people together, in good and bad ways, and how it may be possible to abuse social media. I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I feel like social media is a bad thing. Quite the opposite. I think it is a brilliant development. I just want to make sure that there is a level of awareness about the dangers involved with sharing our lives with others online. With that in mind, I went searching for tips on how to protect your relationship on social media sites.
I found a lot of articles about the subject. Some were more extensive than others, but they all seemed to share some common ideas:
Communicate with your significant other. This may be the most important rule on the list. This means that you need to talk to your significant other about the amount of time that is acceptable, and what is considered appropriate interaction with others. Whether you agree, or like it, your significant other may have a different idea of how much time you should be spending on social media sites. If he or she feels that you are spending more time on the internet than is okay, this could lead to jealousy and suspicion of inappropriate relationships. Set clear expectations about when and how long it is okay to stay online. Also, if he or she says that there is someone that you shouldn’t be interacting with, you need to listen. The way you are communicating online and the people you are communicating with (i.e. ex-lovers) can make your significant other uncomfortable. It is not an unreasonable request that you do not stay in touch with someone for whom you used to have feelings…or anyone that makes him or her uncomfortable. Do not make your significant other feel that anyone else’s friendship is more important than how he or she feels…it will lead to disaster.
Now I’m not a therapist, but these seem like pretty good rules. It is not by any means a comprehensive list. I adapted them from lists in the following articles:
These articles have further advice that I didn’t list. It is worth a few minutes of your time to check them out. If you are in a relationship and online, stop and think about what you are doing. There is no social network worth losing someone you love.
I'm not sure what happened with that girl and her girlfriend tonight. Maybe her girlfriend was cheating. Maybe not. Maybe this girl has a habit of making false accusations. Maybe they have many other issues. I don't know. What I do know is that social networking is a wonderful development - hey, it's how you all are so blessed to hear my wisdom! (Sorry...my narcissistic side just reared it's ugly head.) Just be careful how you wield such a powerful tool. Intentional or not, you can hurt someone. Just ask the poor girl crying alone in the hallway behind my office.
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